Have a Poem
Dec. 25th, 2007 08:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dethoratsTitle: 'Twas the Night Before Dethmas
Rating: PG
Pairing: None
Word Count: 560
Notes: A Dethklok version of 'The Night Before Christmas'
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Mordhaus
Only Toki was stirring, the rest were quite soused;
He sat in the great room in front of the fire
Imagining his presents, his heart’s desire;
Nathan was passed out in his massive black bed,
While Pickles was snoring fit to wake the dead;
And Murderface muttered, his dreams dark and hated,
As Skwisgaar slept soundly, his appetites sated;
All was quiet aside from the fire’s crackle,
But then Toki heard it, a laugh like a cackle;
It came from up above, that eerie noise did,
And briefly Toki felt like a frightened kid.
He squared his shoulders and collected his nerve,
Toki took in a deep breath then shouted with verve,
“Is dat you’s up on de roof Doctor Rockso?
I gots you a present. De jail’s got no socks so…”
The guitarist’s voice trailed off as the sounds increased,
They got louder, louder! then suddenly ceased.
Toki was wary, didn’t trust this one bit,
So he hid in a spot where he just barely fit.
Next the fire went out in a sad smokey hiss,
Vanished at once as if Murderface took a piss.
Groping the dark Toki chanced upon the poker;
Duly armed, he waited for the dumb joker.
A thump and a bang and one last violent pass,
Something came down the chimney and fell on its ass.
Toki was ready, gave a Viking war cry,
And burst from his hiding spot with poker held high.
“I’s kills you dead for breaksings into mine house.
Takes dat and dis and one a dese you big louse.”
The stranger quivered and shook and held up his hands.
“Please stop,” said a deep voice, “and I’ll meet your demands.”
Reluctant but curious, Toki soon obeyed;
The poker he kept though, suspicions unallayed.
The stranger was filthy and really quite fat.
He had a big bag and wore a red stocking hat.
He had a beard of long white now streaked through with soot
And as he moved from the hearth he favored one foot.
“Hey,” Toki blurted, “I t’inks I might knows you.”
“You is Santa Claus right? Is de reindeers here too?”
“Yes,” Santa said, easing the bag off his back.
“I needed all eight of them for what’s in this sack.”
“Ho ho * hack plegm *” Santa barked a cough like a dog.
“Pardon me but I just flew through a ton of smog.”
“Yeah,” Toki sighed. “Mordhaus has lotsa pollutions.
Dat’s why I nots drive. I’s parts of de sollutions.
But anyways, Santa, I’s just gots to know,
What’s you got in youse bag ‘cause I sees a black bow.”
“Presents, Toki, for you and all of the band.
The best I can provide, the best in the land.”
Out from the bag came wonderous things: weapons galore,
Guitar strings, fine booze – though Pickles would need more –
And something special that was just for Toki.
“Take it,” Santa said. “It’s yours.” “Okey dokey!”
Made of soft brown felt, it was a cute teddy
With a bow by one ear, a wife for Deddy.
“Wowie, Santa, it’s great. Somethings I coulds not buys.
All dis is neats; I shoulds goes and wakes de other guys.”
“Let them sleep,” Santa laughed. There will be other Yules.”
“Have a Merry Christmas and, oh yes, Dethklok RULES!”
Rating: PG
Pairing: None
Word Count: 560
Notes: A Dethklok version of 'The Night Before Christmas'
Only Toki was stirring, the rest were quite soused;
He sat in the great room in front of the fire
Imagining his presents, his heart’s desire;
Nathan was passed out in his massive black bed,
While Pickles was snoring fit to wake the dead;
And Murderface muttered, his dreams dark and hated,
As Skwisgaar slept soundly, his appetites sated;
All was quiet aside from the fire’s crackle,
But then Toki heard it, a laugh like a cackle;
It came from up above, that eerie noise did,
And briefly Toki felt like a frightened kid.
He squared his shoulders and collected his nerve,
Toki took in a deep breath then shouted with verve,
“Is dat you’s up on de roof Doctor Rockso?
I gots you a present. De jail’s got no socks so…”
The guitarist’s voice trailed off as the sounds increased,
They got louder, louder! then suddenly ceased.
Toki was wary, didn’t trust this one bit,
So he hid in a spot where he just barely fit.
Next the fire went out in a sad smokey hiss,
Vanished at once as if Murderface took a piss.
Groping the dark Toki chanced upon the poker;
Duly armed, he waited for the dumb joker.
A thump and a bang and one last violent pass,
Something came down the chimney and fell on its ass.
Toki was ready, gave a Viking war cry,
And burst from his hiding spot with poker held high.
“I’s kills you dead for breaksings into mine house.
Takes dat and dis and one a dese you big louse.”
The stranger quivered and shook and held up his hands.
“Please stop,” said a deep voice, “and I’ll meet your demands.”
Reluctant but curious, Toki soon obeyed;
The poker he kept though, suspicions unallayed.
The stranger was filthy and really quite fat.
He had a big bag and wore a red stocking hat.
He had a beard of long white now streaked through with soot
And as he moved from the hearth he favored one foot.
“Hey,” Toki blurted, “I t’inks I might knows you.”
“You is Santa Claus right? Is de reindeers here too?”
“Yes,” Santa said, easing the bag off his back.
“I needed all eight of them for what’s in this sack.”
“Ho ho * hack plegm *” Santa barked a cough like a dog.
“Pardon me but I just flew through a ton of smog.”
“Yeah,” Toki sighed. “Mordhaus has lotsa pollutions.
Dat’s why I nots drive. I’s parts of de sollutions.
But anyways, Santa, I’s just gots to know,
What’s you got in youse bag ‘cause I sees a black bow.”
“Presents, Toki, for you and all of the band.
The best I can provide, the best in the land.”
Out from the bag came wonderous things: weapons galore,
Guitar strings, fine booze – though Pickles would need more –
And something special that was just for Toki.
“Take it,” Santa said. “It’s yours.” “Okey dokey!”
Made of soft brown felt, it was a cute teddy
With a bow by one ear, a wife for Deddy.
“Wowie, Santa, it’s great. Somethings I coulds not buys.
All dis is neats; I shoulds goes and wakes de other guys.”
“Let them sleep,” Santa laughed. There will be other Yules.”
“Have a Merry Christmas and, oh yes, Dethklok RULES!”
