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Happy Holidays!
Merry Christmas/Glad Yule/Solstice Tidings/Seasons Greetings, LJ!
Time for the annual OT5 Christmas Card drabble! This year, due to events in the manga, I wasn't quite sure how to proceed. So I decided to go with the current manga state of affairs as well as keeping to my own particularly crackish AU.
Firstly, the more serious and current drabble.
Title: At the End of the Year
Rating: G
Pairing: OT5
Word Count: 391
Spoilers: Passing reference to events in chapters in the 500-600 range
On an ocean as vast and treacherous as the Grand Line, it wasn’t exactly easy for two ships to find one another, even when one ship was the sturdiest to sail the seas and had circled the world more than a few times. Still, these two ships found themselves anchored next to one another more often than not and always when the winter holidays came around. Almost as frequently, they were joined by a private, one-man vessel that seemed more suited to Halloween than to Christmas. The Red-Hair ship played host, being by far the bigger and having a larger store of booze, and the Thousand Sunny served as extra bunk and bathroom space for the duration, as well as the platform for the annual launching of the new year’s fireworks. The reunions brought together friend and family and often saw other pirate crews arrive as specially invited guests. But Christmas day itself was reserved for the crews of the Pirate King and of one of the Pirate Emperors.
Sanji and Cooky had, over the years, developed a smooth working relationship and the long trestle tables on the dragon-prowed ship groaned under the bounty of their combined talents. Shanks threw open his wine cellars and Roronoa could always be counted on to help him spike all the eggnog and the holiday punch. The two crews made merry throughout the day, amply aided by good food, good drink, and great company. And the Pirate King and Shanks laughingly always led the holiday singing that was ably accompanied by Brook and several of the more musically inclined of the Red-Hair crew. Presents were exchanged, pictures were taken, and the mistletoe game left no overhang safe from seasonal greenery.
Finally, once the stars were out and the hot chocolate had been doled out, the Pirate King would retreat to his own ship, joined only by his nakama and three more for a few private moments. A solemn toast was shared, glasses raised to the memory of two special men and any others who had been lost since the previous Christmas. The dream of freedom, of acceptance, of family, was renewed for another year, and then Luffy led the family he had claimed as his own back into the laughter and merriment and celebration just in time to eat most of the Christmas pudding himself.
And now for the utterly lame and crackish one. It follows, as do all the prior ones, in order from last year. Clicking on the OT5 tag should provide a vague sort of explanation.
Title: The Reason for the Season
Rating: PG
Pairing: OT5
Word Count: 955
Spoilers/Warnings: References to Garp!
As it turned out, the genius of the reindeer card kind of backfired. Oh, they had managed to top Papa Noel Whitebeard, his sexy elf-nurses, and his two nearly-naked pyro stars with their scandalously clad team pulling Gum-Gum-Santa Luffy’s sleigh, but unfortunately that card had gone out to more than just their rival in salacious seasonal sentiments. It had been assumed that Garp would take one look at his grandsons and decide that they needed yet another object lesson in appropriate behavior, that object coming the form of his fists. Except Garp, that crazy old codger, had apparently found the entire idea hilarious to the point where Sengoku actually used a private den den mushi connection with Shanks to lodge a complaint and warn him that Garp was thinking of getting in on the game. That, everyone decided, would be going just one step too far. It was clear that they would take a break this year in the hopes of making Garp forget all about the idea.
That still left them in need of a Christmas card concept and a certain cunning competitor to defeat. The two crews were already combined for the coming festive month and the five men responsible for the annual joint Red-Hair-Straw-Hat card gathered in the galley of the Thousand Sunny to plot over plates of Sanji’s cookies and plenty of seasonal beverages. The suggestion of the holiday sweaters, the fuzzy wool ones with the pom-poms and garish coloring that had driven Zoro and Shanks to hide out together in a storage hold and had never yet actually made it into a photograph, was promptly shot down and they all sat in silence for a long moment before the eldest of them finally spoke.
“It needs,” Ben said thoughtfully, nursing a hot cup of cocoa liberally laced with peppermint schnapps, “to be tasteful. Something like that would be entirely unexpected and might even be enough to prevent the Vice-Admiral from paying us one of his ‘role-model’ visits.”
Three heads nodded immediately in agreement; Zoro and Mihawk because tastefulness would be a welcome change and possibly restore some dignity to their images and Luffy because a visit from his grandfather was always something to avoid. Shanks, on the other hand, frowned into his (personally) very traditional holiday drink of rum spiked with a dash of eggnog. “I see your point, Ben, but where’s the fun in that? The old man’ll probably accuse us of being cowed if we don’t take it even further over the top.”
“Ah, but not if we send him a challenge letter laying out the terms first. After all, I’m sure Portgas would like to avoid a visit from his grandfather as much as Luffy does. And Whitebeard is not an unreasonable man. This is, admittedly, a challenge for all of us, especially as taste does not mean merely duplicating the usual clichés.”
“Still doesn’t seem like it’ll be much fun to do it this way but I suppose you’re right, Ben. I’ll send the old man a letter in the morning. But what do you propose we do?”
There was a gleam in Shanks’ eyes as he looked pointedly at his first mate, the one that meant he wasn’t going to concede without getting in a few points of his own, and Ben sighed and shrugged. “I honestly have no idea yet. Tasteful but not cliché? Coming from us? This may just be impossible.”
But the Pirate King simply chose to be ignorant of the meaning of the word and took the chance to beam generally at the men with him around his table. “Aww, we can do it! We just gotta have a picture that conveys a true meaning.”
“And what would that be?” Mihawk studied the Pirate King with the faintest suggestion of a smile. Luffy, after all, had a way with insight that never failed to impress the shichibukai with its heights - and occasional depths - of profundity.
The Pirate King gave him such a look of arch pity that Shanks couldn’t help snorting rum and had to excuse himself to blow his nose. “It’s about nakama of course!” Luffy was practically bouncing in his seat as he stretched his arm out to clap Mihawk on the shoulder. “About being together, in spirit at the very least. But we’re lucky and we’re all here and can be in the card.”
“But captain,” and Zoro finally spoke, brows knitted together in thought. “How are we going to have a nakama picture for Christmas that ISN’T just us in a group or something?”
Ben, busy pouring Shanks a new drink, leaned over to murmur in his ear and the slow grin that spread across the red-head’s face told Zoro that the question had been answered.
----
The logistics took some work but, with Ben, Franky, and Usopp putting their heads together, the idea took shape. Two weeks before Christmas, when Nami had predicted the weather conditions would be perfect and, as forecast, a light dusting of snow covered the ships, all members of the Red-Hair and Straw-Hat crews gathered on deck in red and green sweatshirts in a pre-arranged pattern. Usopp, with Yasopp and Brook along to carry equipment and offer advice that the long-nosed sniper typically ignored, was hoisted aloft on a crane arrangement Franky had built. He stared through the camera lens, carefully adjusting until the focus was just right, and then he took the shot.
That year Garp got a card featuring a grinning, festively colored scarred jolly roger wearing a straw hat against a backdrop of snow, his grandson helping to form one eye as he held hands with the four men he had chosen to call his own.
Also, a Metalocalypse X-Mas story! It's a sequel of sorts to Season 3, episode 4.
Title: The William Murderface and Dick Knubbler Christmas Special Guest-Starring Dethklok Returns!
Rating: PG
Pairing: None/gen
Word Count: 943
Despite the failed lawsuit and the undying enmity of the Church of Christian Churchology (which was actually pretty f***ing metal), the ratings for the William Murderface and Dick Knubbler Christmas Special with Special Guest Stars Dethklok had been through the roof, far surpassing anything else on any television channel at the same time, even the annual ritual of watching A Christmas Story with all of its violence and sexuality on TBS. And so, due to the simple prospect of advertising dollars, another special had been proposed, with backers clamoring to be allowed sponsorship. Ofdenson had watched the offers roll in and persuaded the band to participate after personally swearing to prevent ANY of their family or Dr. Rockso from participating.
Toki was excited because he would finally get to have his Secret Santa exchange. Murderface was pleased at another rare chance to be in the spotlight. And the rest of Dethklok gradually came round as various METAL ideas were proposed and accepted. Pickles was given a segment where he got to try festive holiday drinks from around the world, all of which featured copious amounts of alcohol. Skwisgaar was going for a world record in most kisses given under the mistletoe in a given amount of time – the program would cut to him throughout the duration as he progressed through the usual parade of admirers, most of whom would later end up in his bed. And Nathan was going to be able to write a song, a brutal metal Christmas song that the band would perform live on the show. It would feature an actual METAL Christmas tradition that the singer had recently learned about – the Krampus. The Krampus was a f***ing demon who accompanied St. Nicholas and punished all the bad children with beatings and the threat of Hell. It was gloriously metal and Nathan finally had a reason to love the holiday aside from watching Die Hard.
He’d decided to set the lyrics to a metal, minor-key, dirge-like rendition of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” Partially because Rudolph was kind of metal for having a red, glowing nose (that struck Nathan as kind of demonic) and partially because a goat demon and a reindeer seemed to the front man to have a lot in common. They had two custom-made Krampus costumes for a pair of Klokateers to wear and the plan was to have them appear at the outset of the song and properly terrify the studio audience. It was going to be awesome and Nathan was pretty sure the only way it would be topped was by the Christmas Spirit sketch in which a ghostly figure went around killing children. Brutal.
The production actually went fairly smoothly up until the song, with only a few clips of Skwisgaar slipping a hand up a grandmother’s skirt and Pickles puking to challenge the time-delay buttons of the television censors. Murderface had even managed not to curse so far and was actually doing a pretty decent job as host, albeit acting pretty f***ing gay as he pal’d around with Knubbler. The stage lights dimmed and a blood-red spotlight shown upon the stage. The band, sans Nathan, had their instruments and played through a verse, the music slow and funereal. Then Nathan stepped into the light and began to sing/chant:
Krampus, the goat-horned demon
Has a nasty role to play.
And if you ever saw him,
You would try to run away.
The opposite of St. Nick
Comes with him into your life.
All the nasty things you’ve done
He’ll carve into you by knife.
You can hope and you can pray
But to no avail:
The Krampus will track you down;
Drag your body through your town.
You will have no Christmas morn
As you try your soul to sell.
The Krampus drinks up your tears
As he drags you down to hell.
The beginning of the second verse was the cue for the two costumed Klokateers to enter and start terrorizing the audience but they never appeared. Instead, as Nathan glared at the doors and continued, growing angrier with every word, a sharp scent of smoke and the faint jangling of chains and bells filled the studio. As the last of Nathan’s growl died away, a spray of ice crystals erupted in the middle of the audience and a hideous creature with jagged teeth and curved goat horns shook itself and cast baleful, slit-pupiled yellow eyes on the crowd.
For the viewers at home, it was difficult to see what was going on, for the cameras failed to capture the images properly but still conveyed every last scream and cry. The audience panicked and stampeded for the doors, trampling those unlucky enough to falter or trip. As the mob searched desperately for an escape, Dethklok watched in shock from the stage as the demon set about it with whip and claws, beating those that fell into its grasp. Finally, once it wrapped chains around a beatific-seeming old nun who’d brought her orphan charges to the show, it disappeared, taking the woman with it much to the delight of the children who had had the misfortune to be in her care.
“Huh,” Nathan said later as the band lounged in the hot tub and sipped the special eggnog Pickles had prepared. “Can’t believe we summoned the Krampus. Gonna be hard to top that for next year’s special.”
And Ofdenson, who was saddled with the job of finding homes for the orphans, decided NOT to tell Dethklok about Namahage or Grýla and her Yule Lads despite that fact that Krampus merchandising was going to put their end-of-the-year profits into a brand new tax bracket.
Time for the annual OT5 Christmas Card drabble! This year, due to events in the manga, I wasn't quite sure how to proceed. So I decided to go with the current manga state of affairs as well as keeping to my own particularly crackish AU.
Firstly, the more serious and current drabble.
Title: At the End of the Year
Rating: G
Pairing: OT5
Word Count: 391
Spoilers: Passing reference to events in chapters in the 500-600 range
On an ocean as vast and treacherous as the Grand Line, it wasn’t exactly easy for two ships to find one another, even when one ship was the sturdiest to sail the seas and had circled the world more than a few times. Still, these two ships found themselves anchored next to one another more often than not and always when the winter holidays came around. Almost as frequently, they were joined by a private, one-man vessel that seemed more suited to Halloween than to Christmas. The Red-Hair ship played host, being by far the bigger and having a larger store of booze, and the Thousand Sunny served as extra bunk and bathroom space for the duration, as well as the platform for the annual launching of the new year’s fireworks. The reunions brought together friend and family and often saw other pirate crews arrive as specially invited guests. But Christmas day itself was reserved for the crews of the Pirate King and of one of the Pirate Emperors.
Sanji and Cooky had, over the years, developed a smooth working relationship and the long trestle tables on the dragon-prowed ship groaned under the bounty of their combined talents. Shanks threw open his wine cellars and Roronoa could always be counted on to help him spike all the eggnog and the holiday punch. The two crews made merry throughout the day, amply aided by good food, good drink, and great company. And the Pirate King and Shanks laughingly always led the holiday singing that was ably accompanied by Brook and several of the more musically inclined of the Red-Hair crew. Presents were exchanged, pictures were taken, and the mistletoe game left no overhang safe from seasonal greenery.
Finally, once the stars were out and the hot chocolate had been doled out, the Pirate King would retreat to his own ship, joined only by his nakama and three more for a few private moments. A solemn toast was shared, glasses raised to the memory of two special men and any others who had been lost since the previous Christmas. The dream of freedom, of acceptance, of family, was renewed for another year, and then Luffy led the family he had claimed as his own back into the laughter and merriment and celebration just in time to eat most of the Christmas pudding himself.
And now for the utterly lame and crackish one. It follows, as do all the prior ones, in order from last year. Clicking on the OT5 tag should provide a vague sort of explanation.
Title: The Reason for the Season
Rating: PG
Pairing: OT5
Word Count: 955
Spoilers/Warnings: References to Garp!
As it turned out, the genius of the reindeer card kind of backfired. Oh, they had managed to top Papa Noel Whitebeard, his sexy elf-nurses, and his two nearly-naked pyro stars with their scandalously clad team pulling Gum-Gum-Santa Luffy’s sleigh, but unfortunately that card had gone out to more than just their rival in salacious seasonal sentiments. It had been assumed that Garp would take one look at his grandsons and decide that they needed yet another object lesson in appropriate behavior, that object coming the form of his fists. Except Garp, that crazy old codger, had apparently found the entire idea hilarious to the point where Sengoku actually used a private den den mushi connection with Shanks to lodge a complaint and warn him that Garp was thinking of getting in on the game. That, everyone decided, would be going just one step too far. It was clear that they would take a break this year in the hopes of making Garp forget all about the idea.
That still left them in need of a Christmas card concept and a certain cunning competitor to defeat. The two crews were already combined for the coming festive month and the five men responsible for the annual joint Red-Hair-Straw-Hat card gathered in the galley of the Thousand Sunny to plot over plates of Sanji’s cookies and plenty of seasonal beverages. The suggestion of the holiday sweaters, the fuzzy wool ones with the pom-poms and garish coloring that had driven Zoro and Shanks to hide out together in a storage hold and had never yet actually made it into a photograph, was promptly shot down and they all sat in silence for a long moment before the eldest of them finally spoke.
“It needs,” Ben said thoughtfully, nursing a hot cup of cocoa liberally laced with peppermint schnapps, “to be tasteful. Something like that would be entirely unexpected and might even be enough to prevent the Vice-Admiral from paying us one of his ‘role-model’ visits.”
Three heads nodded immediately in agreement; Zoro and Mihawk because tastefulness would be a welcome change and possibly restore some dignity to their images and Luffy because a visit from his grandfather was always something to avoid. Shanks, on the other hand, frowned into his (personally) very traditional holiday drink of rum spiked with a dash of eggnog. “I see your point, Ben, but where’s the fun in that? The old man’ll probably accuse us of being cowed if we don’t take it even further over the top.”
“Ah, but not if we send him a challenge letter laying out the terms first. After all, I’m sure Portgas would like to avoid a visit from his grandfather as much as Luffy does. And Whitebeard is not an unreasonable man. This is, admittedly, a challenge for all of us, especially as taste does not mean merely duplicating the usual clichés.”
“Still doesn’t seem like it’ll be much fun to do it this way but I suppose you’re right, Ben. I’ll send the old man a letter in the morning. But what do you propose we do?”
There was a gleam in Shanks’ eyes as he looked pointedly at his first mate, the one that meant he wasn’t going to concede without getting in a few points of his own, and Ben sighed and shrugged. “I honestly have no idea yet. Tasteful but not cliché? Coming from us? This may just be impossible.”
But the Pirate King simply chose to be ignorant of the meaning of the word and took the chance to beam generally at the men with him around his table. “Aww, we can do it! We just gotta have a picture that conveys a true meaning.”
“And what would that be?” Mihawk studied the Pirate King with the faintest suggestion of a smile. Luffy, after all, had a way with insight that never failed to impress the shichibukai with its heights - and occasional depths - of profundity.
The Pirate King gave him such a look of arch pity that Shanks couldn’t help snorting rum and had to excuse himself to blow his nose. “It’s about nakama of course!” Luffy was practically bouncing in his seat as he stretched his arm out to clap Mihawk on the shoulder. “About being together, in spirit at the very least. But we’re lucky and we’re all here and can be in the card.”
“But captain,” and Zoro finally spoke, brows knitted together in thought. “How are we going to have a nakama picture for Christmas that ISN’T just us in a group or something?”
Ben, busy pouring Shanks a new drink, leaned over to murmur in his ear and the slow grin that spread across the red-head’s face told Zoro that the question had been answered.
----
The logistics took some work but, with Ben, Franky, and Usopp putting their heads together, the idea took shape. Two weeks before Christmas, when Nami had predicted the weather conditions would be perfect and, as forecast, a light dusting of snow covered the ships, all members of the Red-Hair and Straw-Hat crews gathered on deck in red and green sweatshirts in a pre-arranged pattern. Usopp, with Yasopp and Brook along to carry equipment and offer advice that the long-nosed sniper typically ignored, was hoisted aloft on a crane arrangement Franky had built. He stared through the camera lens, carefully adjusting until the focus was just right, and then he took the shot.
That year Garp got a card featuring a grinning, festively colored scarred jolly roger wearing a straw hat against a backdrop of snow, his grandson helping to form one eye as he held hands with the four men he had chosen to call his own.
Also, a Metalocalypse X-Mas story! It's a sequel of sorts to Season 3, episode 4.
Title: The William Murderface and Dick Knubbler Christmas Special Guest-Starring Dethklok Returns!
Rating: PG
Pairing: None/gen
Word Count: 943
Despite the failed lawsuit and the undying enmity of the Church of Christian Churchology (which was actually pretty f***ing metal), the ratings for the William Murderface and Dick Knubbler Christmas Special with Special Guest Stars Dethklok had been through the roof, far surpassing anything else on any television channel at the same time, even the annual ritual of watching A Christmas Story with all of its violence and sexuality on TBS. And so, due to the simple prospect of advertising dollars, another special had been proposed, with backers clamoring to be allowed sponsorship. Ofdenson had watched the offers roll in and persuaded the band to participate after personally swearing to prevent ANY of their family or Dr. Rockso from participating.
Toki was excited because he would finally get to have his Secret Santa exchange. Murderface was pleased at another rare chance to be in the spotlight. And the rest of Dethklok gradually came round as various METAL ideas were proposed and accepted. Pickles was given a segment where he got to try festive holiday drinks from around the world, all of which featured copious amounts of alcohol. Skwisgaar was going for a world record in most kisses given under the mistletoe in a given amount of time – the program would cut to him throughout the duration as he progressed through the usual parade of admirers, most of whom would later end up in his bed. And Nathan was going to be able to write a song, a brutal metal Christmas song that the band would perform live on the show. It would feature an actual METAL Christmas tradition that the singer had recently learned about – the Krampus. The Krampus was a f***ing demon who accompanied St. Nicholas and punished all the bad children with beatings and the threat of Hell. It was gloriously metal and Nathan finally had a reason to love the holiday aside from watching Die Hard.
He’d decided to set the lyrics to a metal, minor-key, dirge-like rendition of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” Partially because Rudolph was kind of metal for having a red, glowing nose (that struck Nathan as kind of demonic) and partially because a goat demon and a reindeer seemed to the front man to have a lot in common. They had two custom-made Krampus costumes for a pair of Klokateers to wear and the plan was to have them appear at the outset of the song and properly terrify the studio audience. It was going to be awesome and Nathan was pretty sure the only way it would be topped was by the Christmas Spirit sketch in which a ghostly figure went around killing children. Brutal.
The production actually went fairly smoothly up until the song, with only a few clips of Skwisgaar slipping a hand up a grandmother’s skirt and Pickles puking to challenge the time-delay buttons of the television censors. Murderface had even managed not to curse so far and was actually doing a pretty decent job as host, albeit acting pretty f***ing gay as he pal’d around with Knubbler. The stage lights dimmed and a blood-red spotlight shown upon the stage. The band, sans Nathan, had their instruments and played through a verse, the music slow and funereal. Then Nathan stepped into the light and began to sing/chant:
Has a nasty role to play.
And if you ever saw him,
You would try to run away.
The opposite of St. Nick
Comes with him into your life.
All the nasty things you’ve done
He’ll carve into you by knife.
You can hope and you can pray
But to no avail:
The Krampus will track you down;
Drag your body through your town.
You will have no Christmas morn
As you try your soul to sell.
The Krampus drinks up your tears
As he drags you down to hell.
The beginning of the second verse was the cue for the two costumed Klokateers to enter and start terrorizing the audience but they never appeared. Instead, as Nathan glared at the doors and continued, growing angrier with every word, a sharp scent of smoke and the faint jangling of chains and bells filled the studio. As the last of Nathan’s growl died away, a spray of ice crystals erupted in the middle of the audience and a hideous creature with jagged teeth and curved goat horns shook itself and cast baleful, slit-pupiled yellow eyes on the crowd.
For the viewers at home, it was difficult to see what was going on, for the cameras failed to capture the images properly but still conveyed every last scream and cry. The audience panicked and stampeded for the doors, trampling those unlucky enough to falter or trip. As the mob searched desperately for an escape, Dethklok watched in shock from the stage as the demon set about it with whip and claws, beating those that fell into its grasp. Finally, once it wrapped chains around a beatific-seeming old nun who’d brought her orphan charges to the show, it disappeared, taking the woman with it much to the delight of the children who had had the misfortune to be in her care.
“Huh,” Nathan said later as the band lounged in the hot tub and sipped the special eggnog Pickles had prepared. “Can’t believe we summoned the Krampus. Gonna be hard to top that for next year’s special.”
And Ofdenson, who was saddled with the job of finding homes for the orphans, decided NOT to tell Dethklok about Namahage or Grýla and her Yule Lads despite that fact that Krampus merchandising was going to put their end-of-the-year profits into a brand new tax bracket.