Contrapositivity

Title: Without a Compass
Rating: G
Word Count: 2003
Prompt: To Lose One's Bearings



Of all the Straw Hat pirates, Zoro was the one who got lost. He had absolutely no sense of direction. He lacked an internal compass and for some strange reason, regular compasses suddenly lost their functionality in his hands. The first two or three weeks on the Going Merry, the swordsman had managed to even get lost aboard the ship’s small decks until finally the sheer weight of experience taught him the path from cabin to galley to bathroom to canon deck to crow’s nest. That, along with Nami’s ease of ordering him around and Luffy’s comfortable physical affection and of course the fact that he’d helped save Kaya, had been the start of changing Roronoa Zoro, the demon of East Blue, in Usopp’s eyes. Zoro gradually became nakama, not an object of fear but one of trust and strength, especially once the long-nosed sharpshooter understood that the swordsman’s bark was far worse than his bite.

If Zoro had a penchant for literal directional ineptitude, at least his life’s path was not so tangled and full of double-backs, u-turns, and straggles down side trails. Zoro wanted to be the greatest swordsman in the world and nothing was allowed to stand in his way. Training was his act of devotion, the proof of his commitment, and failure was not an option, only a temporary setback to be overcome. It was a trait that Usopp admired, although he occasionally wondered what Zoro intended to do once Mihawk was defeated. Becoming a shichibukai, despite Zoro’s bounty hunter past, just didn’t seem likely. And Nami and Franky would be unlikely to appreciate the regular destruction of the Thousand Sunny that the challenges for his title would no doubt bring. But that was in the future and for the time being, Zoro’s gaze was centered on the Hawk-Eyes and his great black sword.

Usopp’s goals were rather more nebulous than his nakama’s. Becoming a great and brave warrior of the sea was all well and good, but just what exactly did that mean? Seeing as it was his goal, Usopp knew it was up to him to decide but he wasn’t, beneath the thick layer of bravado and lies he wrapped around himself, very confident in many of his abilities. In some regards, just getting on the Going Merry and leaving Syrup village made him brave. But compared to his nakama, he often felt cowardly, weak, and inadequate. To measure up to them, that was what he really wanted. But the bar Luffy, Sanji, and Zoro had initially set was so high and it only got farther away with each new island and new nakama. Soge King was a brave warrior of the sea – he had to be one as the King of Sniper Island – but Usopp felt removed, detached, from his assumed persona. Soge King wasn’t really him even though it was his face beneath the mask and his hands on Kabuto. Still and all, despite his detour in Water 7 and his plans, and even his destination being rather nebulous, Usopp thought he knew where he was going.

But life, as it often does, tossed down a fork. Right into the center of his path so that it split into two directions and on neither was the way clear. Really, it was all Zoro’s fault. The swordsman had infected him with his uncanny knack for getting lost, although in terms of physical space Usopp knew exactly where he was. Three gruffly spoken words and tanned cheeks flushed in a way that definitely wasn’t from the booze because there hadn’t been nearly enough consumed and intense green eyes that seemed to see right through him; Zoro had looked up that night, bottle of rum in his lap, as Usopp flopped down next to him on the lush lawn of Sunny’s deck. The moon had been bright but not full and the Straw Hat crew was acting as it always did – in high spirits and with a comfortable sense of companionship. The last thing Usopp had been expecting as he made his way over to the swordsman was for Zoro to gaze at him and suddenly roughly blurt out a confession.

“I like you.” Simple, blunt, direct, rather shocking - definitely Zoro. And Usopp had stared at him, mouth open but no words coming out, not even stutters, completely blindsided. Zoro had smiled, small but not bitter, and left the sniper gaping like a fish. “The Great Captain Usopp speechless?” He had been teasing as he stood, tone lighter than his confession, and he tossed the sniper the bottle of rum as he made to walk away. “Just think on it.”

And so Usopp had. Endlessly, obsessively, reluctantly at times and eagerly as he tried to puzzle out the mystery at others. Three weeks of consideration during which Zoro’s normal behavior towards him never changed. Except that Usopp noticed that the pair of them, now that he was paying attention, had been hanging out together far more often since the events of Water 7, since they’d been bound together. At first Usopp had wondered if it was a bizarre fetish, some sort of misplaced affection for a sword that was wasn’t wholly steel but flesh and blood and bone as well. But even Zoro, as weird as he sometimes was, didn’t seem like the sort to displace object to person. And the swordsman wasn’t the type to play cruel jokes and toy with people emotionally, even for a bet. That confession had cost him and it had been meant. But what did it mean?

There had never been any words exchanged, no vows or promises, but a part of Usopp had always imagined that once he became a brave warrior of the sea (whatever that ultimately meant), he would return to his home and to Kaya and from there, well…They were nebulous daydreams, idle fantasies of blond hair and porcelain skin and two or three children with the mingling of their features, at least one with his nose. He had cared for Kaya, wanted to keep her safe and see her happy and well, but had he liked her? Liked her the way Zoro had meant with his words? Absence was said to make the heart grow fonder but his feelings about Kaya hadn’t changed unless to become colored by a touch of nostalgia. Zoro, on the other hand, had gone from being a figure of fear to one of awe to a nakama to well…Usopp wasn’t entirely sure how he felt.

Inherent in his musing, he told himself, was the danger of convincing his mind that he held feelings he really didn’t. He was quite good at self-deception when he wanted to be and in this instance it was essential to be doubly cautious and aware of the tendency. So he thought and mused and pondered and weighed and considered and generally made use of all the other verbs pertaining to contemplation. And he watched, too. Zoro’s workouts had long been a staple for the sniper, for it gave him a chance to study form and light and movement, sketching in either great detail or in fast lines of motion. But as he observed the bunching and stretching of the muscles in the swordsman’s tanned back, eyes tracking the slow path of a bead of sweat down the line of spine until it was absorbed by the fabric of Zoro’s haramaki, he’d realized he had been staring far more than drawing for the past few months. He knew all sorts of things about the older pirate’s daily habits and he even knew the general responses to the daily routines of the crew.

Usopp even, upon reflection, knew rather a lot about Zoro’s thoughts and past and dreams; little scraps of information freely offered during moments fishing or washing or even just lazing on the grass. He’d been hording them, socking the tidbits away without quite realizing it, and he finally pulled them out, turned each piece over in his mind. The sniper liked what he saw, what he had learned, and of that he finally had no doubts. But why did Zoro like him of all people and what did he want? Zoro, when Usopp had finally mustered up the nerve to ask, had chuckled rather fondly and clapped him on the shoulder. “You should think about that too,” he’d said. “But the short answer is because you’re you.”

“But what does that mean?” Usopp had asked but gotten only a shrug in reply and that warm smile that was always so unexpected that it was like sunshine breaking out from the clouds. So he’d spent another week on his additional piece of the puzzle, working himself into a tizzy until he didn’t know what to think. He’d been so flustered that he’d even missed what should have been an easy shot during a battle with a marine vessel and he’d been so busy cursing and beating himself up over it that he didn’t even realize Zoro had come to find him once the fight was finished.

Calloused fingers had caught his fist before he could smack himself across the head again and he startled, disturbed at being caught. Zoro’s expression was serious as he studied the hand he still held captive and something flashed through his eyes, dark and too swift for Usopp to follow. The sniper found himself swept up, pulled flush to the column of slightly sweaty strength that was the swordsman. His fist was released as arms wrapped around his back and lips murmured, warm and slightly ticklish, into his ear. “Let it go.” Zoro’s voice was husky and there were volumes to be read in his tone. Usopp blinked, caught tight and fast, and the comfort in the arms that held him up was enough to let him sag, support coming instantly. As he breathed in the slightly musky smell of Zoro’s neck, soaked up the concern radiating from the swordsman, something his mother once told him came flooding back.

“Don’t forget about the future, but remember to live in the moment.”

All of his thoughts, everything that had circled and paced and come up against dead-ends in the maze of his mind, had been of two sorts. Why and what if. The why he could someday determine but the multitudes of what-ifs, the same sorts that had held him back before and that sometimes kept him up at night, were impossible to answer. He couldn’t predict what would happen tomorrow or the next day or next month or next year. He could take precautions but that was it. There was no point in choosing a dull or easy direction just because it seemed safer. If that were the case, after all, becoming a pirate was a stupid thing to have done. And Kaya, distant and unable to speak for herself, was an easy out and one he could only imagine. Zoro, on the other hand, was immediate, warm, and there. And not only was he there but, Usopp had come to realize, he was so very glad of that fact. No matter what happened later, he could have what Zoro offered now. He could take and give and just be and the swordsman would be with him to confront the future.

Usopp smiled into the crook of Zoro’s shoulder and finally raised his arms to return the embrace that kept him close. He could feel the swordsman tense and then relax, feel the soft exhalation stir the few strands of hair that had escaped his bandanna. Tilting his head up, Usopp made eye contact and then deliberately let his eyelids slowly close. “Okay,” he whispered and followed the swordsman’s instructions. Usopp let it all go, all of his insecurities and worries and fears, and gave in to what he’d been wanting since before Zoro’s confession made him aware of it. Usopp leaned in and gently, carefully, but definitely not tentatively, pressed his lips to Zoro’s. He didn’t feel lost any longer.